Is Syria the world’s most hated country? (4/7/2012)

President Bashar al-Assad

Yes, yes, I am a liar and a monster. How nice of you to say, you’re too kind.

Syria’s political allies up until recently were Russia, Iran and China. This is comparable to being desperately unpopular then showing that you have the full support of Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck and the incumbent Imperial Wizard in an attempt to make society see you as a more tolerant person.

Since March 2011, the Syrian state’s human rights abuses have been dragged kicking and screaming into the light by an ongoing civil uprising. The Syrian regime’s catalogue of appalling crimes has steadily grown more outrageous as time has worn on. A pithy example of this might be that the third option down on the predictive search of Google when you enter Bashar al-Assad (the Syrian President), is “bashar al-assad antichrist”.

President al-Assad’s tentative grip on his own deceits may be slipping as he gave an address about a Turkish F-14 Phantom jet on a training mission that was shot down a few weeks ago by Syrian forces: “We learned that [the plane] belonged to Turkey after shooting it down. I say 100 per cent ‘if only we had not shot it down’,” he was quoted as saying. “Of course I might have been happy if this had been an Israeli plane. It’s a shame that now we don’t even have the telephone number of a single commander in the Turkish army we can call in an emergency situation.” We can see why he’s friends with Iran, apparently he’d have been doing the macarena had his army shot down an Israeli jet without provocation. His choice of words is clinical, “‘if only we had not shot it down’…It’s a shame.” The man sounds like his speechwriter knocks out lines for cheap Bond villains, I’m sure the families of those two Turkish pilots pulled out of the Mediterranean Sea think it’s more than a shame.

English: Bashar al-Assad under pressure

Turkey was quick to call bullshit on Assad’s claims by saying they picked up communications from the Syrian side that made clear they knew who they were shooting down. Furthermore, the Turkish government has been fighting fires on its border with Syria – the suggestion being that Syrian forces are attempting to stop rebels from crossing the border. I say his deceits are slipping because: 1) he expected no one to ask the Turks whether he was lying and 2) on the same day he said it was accident, he told Turkey to stop meddling! Call me a pessimist but if a nation shoots down a jet then tells the other country to stop (or else…), well then I’m more than a little sure they were aware of what they were doing. Syria is the child caught pissing in their sibling’s cornflakes by its mother, but insisting they had thought the bowl was a toilet.

As tensions rise between former allies, more news emerged that makes President al-Assad look like either a grossly incompetent/negligent cretin or a calculating, meerkat-faced sociopath. A delightful network of secret, state-run torture chambers! Huzzah! Another notch in Assad’s bed post when it comes to screwing the civilian population of Syria, and embarrassing the United Nations as well making its useless, friendly task master Kofi Annan appear just a little more impotent (as if that were even possible). For instance, a 14 year old boy had his fingernails torn out at one of these ‘detention centres’, there are other accounts of the suffering meted out to innocents by the state.

Kofi Annan enjoying his trip to Syria

Kofi Annan being fobbed off in Syria.

In the middle of this revolutionary orgy of killing, bombing and brutality, the UN stumbles about like a drunken tart on a Friday night outside a London nightclub screaming “Leave ‘im Keith, he’s not worth it!” as her bastard boyfriend assaults a hapless bystander. Kofi Annan has been trying to reconcile the opposition and the regime rather ineffectually, the deals and ceasefires he had brokered have been completely ignored by both sides. More than 14,000 are estimated dead as of today due to the uprising which began 16 months ago, many of whom have died in the past 4 months. As the death toll approaches dizzying new heights, state-led massacres (such as that of Homs) continue unabated, torture chambers operate without impunity and Islamist terrorists manage to sneak into the fractured nation – you feel that the UN has failed in its mission to maintain order.

Russia and China have finally decided to back a plan to ease Bashar out of office, after finally accepting that maybe he’s not doing the best possible job (and that Russia had to stop selling the regime any more weapons). When Russia and China are concerned about your human rights credentials, you might as well be the actual Antichrist. Go ahead Bashar, it’s alright, we’ve all seen past your thousand-watt coprophagic grin and glassy, soulless eyes – just let us see the real you! You know what we mean, let out your horns and pointy tail, the world is waiting.

Meanwhile, as the international community stands idly by with a sequence of policies on Syria equatable to pissing in the wind for 16 months – the Syrian people suffer under the heel of a leader whose name once gave Britain and America the political horn.

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